Slimming World Fail....

... so that was a walk into dangerous territory!  My goodness, I've never felt so deprived of 'normal' food - what an awful week!  Disclaimer....  I am well aware that Slimming World is an excellent program for those who like that sort of thing but my mini dabble into the world of slimming has shown me in startling clarity that it's just not mine!

It's like you have to sacrifice having bread and other limited foods so that you can eat shit loads of pasta and potato - stuff that fills you up then leaves you gagging for something crunchy and satisfying.  Everything's such a faff to prepare.  You can't change the law of physics and/or biology. Weight loss 'science' is based on the highly explored hypothesis that you've got to take it less than you give out or you gonna get lardy....  I counted calories WHILST doing SW just to check and my calorie intake was a bit higher on SW but not much higher.  My wants and foodie desires however were through the roof.  I ate loads of fruit which I don't normally do because for something so unsatisfying and water filled it has a load of calories, (I like veg more - easier to use as you can bulk up your meals with it) and I craved chocolate like a crazy woman.  I've not had that feeling since I started calorie counting. 

So, I've hoped off that wagon and back into the saddle of my original horse which was cantering along quite nicely.  Why oh why I felt the need to meddle and shake things up I do not know.  I DO know that I will have put some weight on this week, possibly a one or two pounds and I also know that that's OK.  I'm in this for the long haul.  I want to lose weight fast and painlessly but they are simply worlds that do not collide.... fast is do-able,  fast and painlessly is not and this MUST be about lifestyle choices.  I need 'choices'.  One week I need to be able to go out with friends and have a coffee or a sandwich, (making the healthiest choices possible) and perhaps have less of a loss than I do the next week when I'm totally focussed and thinking of wearing a swimming costume.  Needs and circumstances change. Slow and steady is the name of the game because at the end of the day it's not about losing the weight it's about keeping it off and that's a whoooole 'nother ball game.  

New Year New Me

So, it looks like the switch has clicked in my brain and I'm actually DOING this!

I've lost approx 24lbs since New Years Eve and I'm feeling great.
I was using My Fitness Pal and I still am but last night I joined a local Slimming World group.  I've been struggling to keep away from bread and feel as though I need visibility and accountability so hopefully Slimming World will give me that.

The group was friendly enough.  I was so intimidated when I walked in and thought, 'what the hell am I doing here' which isn't really like me.  I think the bollox that accompanies Slimming World is ridiculous. You simply can not eat as much as you like of anything and not gain weight unless that anything is celery and if you've lived for years in a morbidly obese mindset you ain't gonna want to eat buckets full of celery! So, I'm taking on the Slimming World way of life - basically cutting out bread, (I've already reduced my fat in take significantly - it gives me heartburn anyway so it's best kicked to the curb) but being CAREFUL with my portions.

I made a big pan of pea and ham soup this morning and packed a Bento box with fruit, veg and a couple of boiled eggs which will keep me going throughout the day.  I've had a mushroom and onion omelet for breakfast and really, really didn't enjoy it.  It made me feel a bit gippy so I won't do that again.  I think I'll stick to porridge.  I've been eating 70g made with water and mixed with 100ml of semi skimmed milk but Slimming World suggests a 35g portion of porridge mixed with fruit etc.  I'm sure I can manage that! I've not eaten any fruit for weeks - I just haven't had the calories for it!  I have eaten lots of veg and MUST be healthier than I was before Christmas but I'm ready to really see results now.

Most people say they can tell I've lost weight, even my dad and he NEVER says anything positive to me, (I think he actively avoids adding anything to my self esteem what so ever) and old clothes are starting to fit.  I'm wearing a suede jacket I bought just after having Annabelle which hasn't fit me for ages and I've got a lovely green jacket in the wardrobe that will fit by the time we go on our jollies in four weeks.

The thing that really bothers me about the Slimming World philosophy is that it pretends NOT to be a diet, but really - it's very restrictive.  If you don't exercise restraint you're not going to lose weight, that simple yet they pretend that you can.  The fact that you're cutting out on bread, fat and sugar means that you're automatically consuming less calories but you're also consuming less of what is satisfying so by default you eat more of the 'good stuff' under the veil of believing that you never need to be hungry!  SW also advocates the use of artificial sweeteners and that awful spray on fat or 'Fry Light' which horrifies me.  It makes me feel like I'm spraying my food with cancer, (which is ridiculous.  I'm pretty sure my chances of developing cancer are higher as someone who is morbidly obese than as a Fry Light user, but still... the mind is a funny thing) and pays little heed to portion control and to feeling hungry being OK!

I watched a thoroughly depressing program on TV about 'The Fatest Man in England' or something else derogatory and quite ridiculous.  The Bariatric surgeon who took on his case made a good point; we always need to feel satisfied and we never, ever want to feel hungry.  We are marketed goodies and fillers that 'keep us going' until dinner or that tide us over between meals instead encouraging us to pick, over eat and gain weight.  He pointed out that this is totally unnatural and it happens in no other species on earth!  That really made me think.  Being hungry is OK.  We live in the First World - we are rich in food and choices.  Being hungry is OK - we aren't going to starve.

All in all, I'm feeling good.
I'm in 'the zone'.  I'm positive and I'm not frightened of being hungry.

Six months time and I'll be like a different woman.  Six months time, that's nothing.  We are already two months into the year.

I've got this!!!!