Sugar Free

I lost approx 30lbs and in the last month or so I've put 12lbs back on.  I know, I could win an Olympic gold for weight gain. 

In the midst of feeling utterly depressed, lethargic, miserable, ground down and virtually immobile I've been reading about how sugar affects the body and how not to eat it!  Sounds like a good plan. 

At the minute I'm reading Dr Robert Lustig's 'Fat Chance.  The Hidden Truth about Sugar, Obesity and Disease' and in the queue I have Gary Taubes's 'Why we Get Fat' which are both exciting. 

I'm up to the bit in Lustig's book about how our hormones, insulin and the hypothalamus dictate our lives! It's all very interesting. 

Why the sudden change to sugar as the enemy?  Well, what else can I do?  I'm determined not to have bariatric surgery.  I don't want to be butchered when research into obesity is so interesting and throwing up different ways of looking at things other than the calories in energy out hypothesis, (though that makes perfect sense!).   Obesity has only been an issue since the 1980s when it started costing the State money. 

I 'feel' like an addict.  I don't want to eat shite but it happens and I hate it - again and again.  I do not want to be the way that I am but I chose this life style over a healthy life style as if I'm a zombie and I have no free will.  I'm happy to believe that the amount of sugar and crap I eat is affecting my insulin levels to the extent that my hormones are totally out of wack and I'm on a roller coaster to hell. 

It shocks and horrifies me that a latte with sugar and a piece of orange and pistachio cake seems so appealing when I have horrific day dreams about falling the street and breaking my leg.  How many people would it take to pick me up?  If I have a heart attack in public and don't die or lose consciousness how many people will point and stare and laugh when the paramedics have to use some kind of special kit, (I'm thinking crane but I'm probably not there yet!) to pick me up and put me in the Ambulance?  In my post cake high I'm sublimely happy therefore the thoughts of humiliation and embarrassment leave me until the next time.  I'll probably end up agoraphobic therefore fatter and in need of a crane for sure!!!!  God knows where the kids figure in all of this! 

Anyway, back to the months monumental weight gain.  I appreciate that Slimming World kills me.  It does not work for me at all.  It's all about white food and sugar and processed food, (at least it is when I do it) and every single time I try Slimming World it all goes tits up and I end up on a food binge for a good few weeks consuming every sugary fatty thing I can find hence the weight gain. 

  Like an alcoholic having a binge...  you can avoid alcohol, (though it's easy to seek and find) but food is everywhere.  Advertising is omnipresent and I have been well and truly sucked in. 

So....  we are where we are.  Yet another new beginning.  

Hopefully documenting so many new beginnings shows that it's not as simple as eating less and exercising more.  It's how you get to the point where you're eating less and not going insane that's important to me.  

I like this quote from Lustig's book, 

'...  Experimental studies show that obese subjects will use sugar to treat psychological symptoms.  Overweight women who were self reported carbohydrate cravers reported greater relief from various mood disorders in response to a carbohydrate containing beverage as compared to a protein drink'

I can relate to that!  When I'm tired or down it's all about the carbs, (and the sugar) and the last few months haven't been easy.  There have been huge social changes which include 'being dropped like a shitty stick' from people who I thought were friends and who should know better, particularly when it's a shallow pool that we are swimming in.  

He also says 

'By all estimations, obese people are not happy.  The question is whether their unhappiness is a cause or a result of their obesity'

Well I have literally NEVER been thin so there you go but I recon obesity has led to aspects of my life being super shit and has taken a way a multitude of choices that thin people have because of the ignorance and prejudice spouted by the public at large. 

Anyway, food.... Time to nip this in the bud to ensure my children live the best lives that they can in the best health that they can.  Even if it's too late for me, (it doesn't have to be but I think I may eventually run out of resolve) it certainly isn't too late for them.  

I've been through the cupboards and dumped everything that has sugar in.  It's either gone in the bin or to the food bank. 

I did a big shop last night which wasn't any more expensive than usual, (I spend approx £120 a week at the Supermarket....  jezzzzz)  

The only thing I bought that contains sugar were some Wholemeal bagels, I thought that the sunflower Rye bread would be too much too soon for the kids and I was right! 

This morning we had bacon, eggs, rye bread, (bagel) and mushrooms.  Annie's had a handful of cashews and I recon we're set until lunch time.